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Poems
One night I dreamed I was walking along the
beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low
periods of my life
When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord, "You promised me, Lord,
That if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
There have only been one set of prints in the sand.
Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for
me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
is when I carried you."
Mary Stevenson
I asked God to take away my pride. And God
said "No".
He said it was not for him to take away, but for me to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child
whole. And God said "No".
He said her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience. And God said
"No".
He said patience is a byproduct of tribulations. It isn't granted, it is earned.
I asked God to give me happiness. And God said
"No".
He said he gives me blessings, happiness is up to me.
I asked God to spare me pain. And God said
"No".
He said suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to
me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow. And God
said "No".
He said I must grow on my own. But he will prune me to make me fruitful.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy
life. And God said "No".
He said I will give you life, that you may enjoy all things.
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as
he loves me.
And God said, Ah, finally you have the idea.
Author unknown
I once
saw nothing -- but dreams I didn't have.
I once
had nothing -- but things I didn't need.
I once
tried nothing -- but what I couldn't do.
And
all I became was what I could not be.
Then
Jesus came into my heart,
and
Jesus walked into my soul,
and
Jesus flew throughout my life,
and I
was then complete and whole.
I now
see nothing -- but dreams of serving God.
I now
have nothing -- but what The Lord has done.
I now
try nothing -- but what He calls me do.
And
I've become [a sinner] Saved and WON!
`cause
Jesus came into my heart,
and
Jesus walked into my soul,
and
Jesus flew throughout my life,
and I
have never felt so right and whole!
Andrew
D. Festa
At first I saw God as my
observer, my judge,
keeping track of the things I did wrong,
so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die,
He was our there sort of like a president.
I recognized His picture but I didn't really know him.
But later on, when I met Christ
it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride.
but it was a tandem bike,
and I noticed that Christ was in the back
helping me pedal.
I don't know just when it was that He suggested
we change places,
but life has not been the same since.
When I had control, I knew the way
It was rather boring and predictable...
It was the shortest distance between two points.
But when He took the lead,
He knew delightful long cuts
up mountains and through rocky places
at breackneck speeds;
it was all I could do to hang on!
Even though it looked like madness,
He said, "Pedal!"
I worried and was anxious and asked,
"Where are you taking me?"
He laughed and didn't answer,
and I started to learn to trust.
I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure.
And when I'd say, " I'm scared!"
He'd lean back and touch my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed,
gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy.
They gave me gifts to take on my journey, my Lord's and mine.
And we were off again.
He said, "Give the gifts away;
they're extra baggage, too much weight."
So I did, to the people we met,
and I found that in giving I received,
and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life,
I thought He'd wreck it; but he knows bike secrets,
knows how to make it bend to make sharp corners,
knows how to jump to clear high rocks,
knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.
And I am learning to shut up and pedal
in the strangest places,
and beginning to enjoy the view,
and the cool breeze on my face,
with my delightful constant companion,
JESUS CHRIST.
And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,
He just smiles and says . . .
"Pedal."
-Author Unknown
Thou
who camest from above
The
pure celestrial fire to impart.
Kindle
a flame of sacred love
On
the mean altar of my heart!
There
let it for thy glory burn
With
inextinguishable blaze;
And
trembling to its source return
In
humble prayer and fervent praise.
Jesus,
confirm my heart’s desire
To
work, and speak, and think for thee:
Still
let me guard the holy fire
And
still stir up thy gift in me.
Ready
for all thy perfect will,
My
acts of faith and love repeat.
Till
death thy endless mercies seal,
And
make the sacrifice complete.
CHARLES
WESLEY
I
asked God to take away my pain.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.
I
asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
Her spirit was whole,
her body was only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings.
Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from
worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I
asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life so that
you may enjoy all things.
I ask
God to help me LOVE others,
as much as he loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY
May God Bless You,
"To the world you might be one person,
But to one person you just might be the world."
-Author Unknown
I don’t need more of God.
He already gave me all of him when I asked Him into my life.
He took the pieces of my broken heart in His hands
And put them back together again.
He filled me with the Hoy Ghost.
He gave me the authority to command sickness and disease to leave.
He gave me the strength to stand
when my flesh wants to lie down and give in.
He immersed me in a love that defies human explanation.
He put tears of love in my eyes –
Tears that didn’t exist in my “world hardened heart”.
Everything I will ever need was put in me,
when Christ came into my heart.
No – I don’t need more of God –
He needs more of me.
Carleen Mertz
[New Poem]
Humor
An elderly woman had just returned to her
home from a evening worship
service and was startled to find a intruder in her house. Catching the
man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled,
"Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, every
one of you, in the
name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven).
As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the
police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers
arrived and took the man into custody.
As he was placing the handcuffs on the
buglar, one of the officers asked
"Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a Scripture
verse."
"SCRIPTURE?" replied the burglar. "She said she had a AXE and TWO
38's!
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign
in the
window, stating the following: "Help wanted. Must be able to type, must
be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity
Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and
went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then
walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the
receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog
and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined,
so he lead him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The
manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to
type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type
out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the
manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have
to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the
computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that
worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally
dumbfounded!
He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent
dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you
the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his
paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be
bilingual."
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"
An elderly lady was
well-known for her faith and for
her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on
her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her
lived an atheist who would get so
angry at her proclamations that he would shout,
"There ain't no Lord!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady and she prayed
for God to send her some assistance. She stood on her
porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD! God I need food.
I am having a hard time. Please, Lord, send me some
groceries."
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and
noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE
THE LORD!"
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said,
"HA...HA. I told you there was no Lord. I bought
those groceries. God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping
her hands and saying, "PRAISE THE LORD!, He not only
sent me groceries but HE made the Devil pay for them."
PRAISE THE LORD!
One Sunday morning,
the minister told the congregation that he was going
to say a series of words, and he wanted them to sing the song that came to
mind, when he said each word.
The first word he said was "rock". They immediately started singing
"Rock
of Ages".
The second word was
"blood", and they sang "Power in the Blood".
The third word was
"cross", and they began sing "The Old Rugged Cross".
The fourth word was "sex".
Everyone gasped, and then it got very quiet. Way in the back of the
church, an 87 year old lady stood up and started singing.....
"Memories".
A small boy was pushing a gasoline-powered lawnmower down the
street with a
"For Sale" sign on it. A man stopped him asked if the mower would run.
The
boy told him it would so the man bought it. A while later, the boy was
walking past the man's house and saw him pulling repeatedly on the starting
rope with no success. The man noticed the boy and said, "I thought you told
me this mower would run!"
The boy said, "Well you have to use some cuss words to make it start."
The Man said, "Son, I'm a preacher; I don't know any cuss words!"
The boy replied, "You keep pulling on that starter rope and some will come
to
you!"
The teacher had asked her pupils to list, in their opinions,
the 11 greatest
Americans. As they were writing, she stopped at one desk, "Have
you
finished your list, Bobby?" she asked.
"Not quite," answered the boy, "I can't decide on the
fullback."
A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey,
where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos,
went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the
United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball
games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff,
church, church, church."
Three Alabama boys go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in
jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none
of them can remember what they have done.
The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any
last words. He says, "I am from the Samford School of Divinity and I
believe
in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They
throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this
guy to die, and they let him go.
The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the
University of Alabama School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of
Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and
again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side and let
him go.
The last one is strapped in and says, "Well I'm an Auburn University
Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute
anybody if you don't connect those two wires."
Forrest Gump dies and
goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the
Pearly Gates.
St. Peter says, "This Place is filling up so fast, we've had to
begin giving an entrance exam to get in. The test I have for you is only three
questions."
1. What days of the week begin with the letter T?
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
3. What is God's first name? "
St. Peter gives
Forrest time to think the questions over.
Soon, St. Peter says, "Tell me your answers.
First, What days of the week begin with the letter T?"
Forrest says, "Well, the first one is easy. That would be ...
Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint said, "Forrest! That's not what I was thinking of!
Hummmm but you do have a point. I'll give you credit for that
answer." "How about the next question?" "How many
seconds in a year?"
Forrest answers, "Twelve."
St. Peter says, "Twelve?" "How could you come up with
twelve
seconds in a year?"
Forrest says, "Gotta
be twelve: January second, February second,
March second.....".
St. Peter says, "I see your point. I'll give you credit for that
one, too.
Let's go on with the next and final question. "Can you tell me
God's first name?"
Forrest replied, "Andy."
St. Peter says, "I can understand how you came up with your
answers to my first two questions, but how in the world did you come up with the
name Andy as the first name of God?"
"That was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I
learned it
from the song.....
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN........"
[This is the answer to the question.]
God won't be looking for your medals, degrees, or
diploma's----he will be looking for your scars!
Trade God your pieces for His Peace!
When you get tired of talking to your friend about God, talk to God about your
friend!
It's hard to stumble when you are on your knees!
Pray is a 4-letter word that can be used anywhere! (except public schools!)
Plenty of folk give God credit- few give him cash!
Give Satan an inch, he will become a ruler!
TGIF Thank God I'm Forgiven
Forbidden fruits creates many jams!
Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus!
Christs return is near-don't miss it for the world!
Be ye fishers of men you catch 'em- God will clean 'em!
If you think yyou are perfect- try walking on water!
God doesn't call the qualified, God qualifies the called!
Read the Bible it will scare the hell out of ya!
If someone has really burned you up remember God has experience with furnaces!
If you don't like the way you were born-try being born again!
The closest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between
your knees and the floor!
If you are too busy to pray-you are too busy!
People are like tea bage-you have to put them in hot water before you know how
strong they are!
Want to avoid burning? use Son block!
Soular powered by the Son!
All sore from backsliding? Try pew sitting and knee bending!
Friends don't let friends go to hell!
The prodigal son was having a bad "heir" day!
Smoking wont talk you to hell- it will just make you smell like you have been
there!
Make your eternal reservations now, smoking or nonsmoking?
You can't hide behind a hypocrite unless you are smaller than they are!
Don't put of question mark where God put a period!
Don't wait for the herse, to take you to Church!
Are you wrinkled with burden? come to Christ for a faithlift!
When the Lords people become a dirty gray-the black sheep becomes more
comfortable!
"Rapture" the only way to fly!
Don't have anything to be thankful for? Check your pulse!
Even a fish stays out of trouble when he keeps his mouth shut!
He who angers you controls you!
If you stand for nothing you will fall for anything!
Every home is a school, what do you teach?
The toungue weighs practically nothing, but few can hold it!
Now even Darwin believes!
Pick your friends, but not to pieces!
Will the road your on lead you to my place? -God
Come meet me at my house before the game! -God
Keep using my name in vain-Ill make rush hour longer!-God
We need to talk-God
C'mon over, bring the kids!-God
Loved the wedding...Invite me to the marrage!-God
Big bang theory-you've got to be kidding! -God
You think it's hot here? -God
Don't make me come down there!-God
I don't doubt your existance! -God
Tell the kids i love them! -God
Have you read my best seller? There will be a test! -God
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When
they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her
mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So
romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we
returned Sam started using the most horrible
language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these
awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take
me home.... Please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what
could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter,
"I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me,
please!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset....
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST,
WASH, IRON, COOK...!"
A young woman teacher with obvious
liberal tendencies explains to
her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her
class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but
wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air
like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception.
A beautiful girl named Lucy has not
gone along with the crowd. The
teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm
not an atheist."
Then, asks the teacher, what are you? "I'm a Christian."
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She
asks Lucy why she is a Christian.
"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My Mom is a
Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian." The
teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What
if
your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be
then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an
atheist."
There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jake, who was very
interested in making a pound where he could ... so he often would thin
down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
He got away with this for some time.
A large local church decided to do a big restoration job. Jake put in
a bid and got the job. And so he set to the task, erecting the
trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and ... yes, I
am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine.
Well, Jake was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly
done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky
opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over
the church and knocking poor Jake off the scaffold to land on the lawn,
among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and
useless paint.
Jake was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he
fell on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do"?
And from the thunder, a mighty Voice
spoke: "Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!"
At the Henry Street Hebrew School,
Goldblatt, the new teacher,
finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual
question period.
"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I
can't
figger out."
"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the
Red Sea, right?"
"Right."
"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Er--right."
"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again you're right."
"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children
of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz
always doin' somethin' important, right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your
question?"
"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all
the grown-ups doin?
The boy came skipping into the house with a big lollipop in his hands.
"Where did you get it?" his mother asked.
"I bought it with the nickel you gave me."
"The nickel I gave you was for Sunday School."
"I know Mom," said the boy, "but the minister met me at the door
and got me in free."
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination,
looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of
the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old
leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's
suit!!"
A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering
plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone
could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°?
A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said:
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°?
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,
"I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and
I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service:
"And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°?
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
" How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°?
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned
over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°?
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home
in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want
to stay with you guys!"
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°?
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She
was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him
which story it was meant to represent.
"The flight to Egypt," said Kyle.
"I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, And Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said.
"But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot.
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers
before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°?
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap
door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the
trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well
received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite
overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!"
the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became
opelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One
student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°?
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church
in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how
she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon,
she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going
to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."
?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°º?ø?º°`°º?ø,¸¸,ø?º°`°?
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach
up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweatheart" he answered,
"God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
[New Humor]
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